Dear Friends,
It's been almost two months since you've heard from me. I thought of it many times, but not with the blend of motivation and inspiration that results in an update. News in my life is never very complicated, though, so let me give you the overview: my bike was stolen, I bought a new bike, I got run over by a car while on the bike (I'm fine), I fixed the bike, the bike got stolen, I went home for Christmas and had a great time, and I got a couple more shifts at work. So I'm basically in the same place as you last found me. I'm making more money (the extra shifts are brand new; my first extra shift was on Tuesday), but I don't have a bike so no doubt it will all be spent on the occasional necessity of taxi fares. Well, hopefully not all of it.
Oh, and I managed to get Sundays off, which is nice both because no buses run on Sundays (hence taxis both ways) and because I'd like to start going to church. I now work Friday, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday, with doubles on Monday and Tuesday. That's a promotion just in the sense of having more hours, but it also qualifies me for medical and dental benefits. I feel pretty good about the situation.
I've always figured that once the various problems in my life got sorted out--once I have enough money, once I get the girl, once I have a car (or get a new one that doesn't break), once I find a good community--that I would thrive. That I'd work toward an ideal situation, and that sooner or later I'd get there and do wonderful things. I guess that just goes to show how young I am.
See, the last year of my life has been pretty rough on me. I've lost a lot of confidence--mostly the confidence to which I had no right from the beginning. I've been broken enough times--that's a Christian term, I guess, but what I mean is that I have encountered situations that were simply beyond my capacity to handle--that I am no longer so eager to test my strength against the world. I have been isolated continually, deprived of the constant support of fellowship so that I always feel a little precarious. On top of that, God has systematically challenged every baseless belief and prejudice I have ever had--or if He hasn't, I'm sure whatever's left will be challenged soon. I hardly know up from down anymore.
I think the bottom line is that the money problems aren't going to stop; they'll change, but never stop. Relationships will never get less complicated, and I will never reach a point of perfect understanding. And since I've always wanted to do things with my life, I am left with one choice: to stop waiting; to move forward in spite of uncertainty and weakness.
Who knows, maybe I have it wrong, and in a year or so I'll send out an e-mail that says, "I have a perfect life! I have lots of money, I know what to do with it, my relationships are perfect, and I know everything!"
But probably not.
---------------------------------------------------
See pictures of my apartment and of work. (Look for the album labeled "Apt #1614" and "Poker Room," respectively.)
View the FUN Archives.You can contact me by replying to this e-mail. To send letters or packages, use the following address:
Dan Kaschel
4747 W Waters Ave., Apt #1614
Tampa, FL 33614
My phone number is 813-313-6573.
Peace,
Dan
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment